Wow. Jillian Michaels. The crusader for the fatties got busted in what she thought was an off-mic conversation saying that “these people are not normal” and that they are “half-dead.” Which makes clips like this one all the more disturbing.
Obviously I’m not surprised that this is how she thinks. It’s her full-time job to scream at fatties and hypothesize as to what made them “this way.” The tactics that she uses to “motivate” contestants are truly scary. In the clip above, for example, I was beyond disturbed by the way she treated that young woman and her father telling him the only way he could get off the treadmill was if he was dead.
Being a reality-TV fanatic I have seen a wide range of competitive shows with trainers that scream and try and coax contestants to tears. However, I can’t help but feel that something about the Biggest Loser allows the gloves to come off and for the trainers to really rip into contestants in a way I haven’t ever seen on any other show. Somehow fat people “deserve” this type of treatment, even need it so they can better themselves.
I just think it’s gross and she is seriously out of control.
Links from fatshionista
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Desks and Physical Pain
I need to get in touch with my body again.
I think that college, especially overly theoretical education, and sometimes activism can disconnect me from my body. This semester I took classes like Intro to Race and Ethnicity and Comparative Perspectives on the Body, two classes that were emotional as well as very physical experiences. Being in class talking about “women’s experiences” or the “experiences of people of color” or “queer peoples experiences” as the great unknown other allows me to disconnect from my lived experience and my own connection to whatever we are talking about.
When I think back to all of my classes there are the things I learned but also the things I felt, physically. Most notable for me is the experience of chairs in the classroom. As a fat person everyday I squeezed, slid, jammed, and packed myself into spaces to small for me and would often leave class with bruises or welts on the sides of my legs. In some classes with desks on the arm I simply did not fit requiring me to get another desk. Feelings of physical exclusion and social shame are some of my strongest memories. My body was physically restricted and punished through pain and in classes where I required an extra desk my body was put on display as deviant.
Chairs are something I always think about, I’m always scared I won’t fit. I’m scared it will break. But it feels good to name it, somehow I hope it means that the next time someone sees a person of size trying to negotiate chair spaces they will think twice, or when people organize events and conferences thinking about who will be sitting in chairs. For example, if there is a talk in Kohlberg (a building on our campus) I am guaranteed to get only about 75% of whatever the speaker is saying because the chairs are so physically painful.
I also think that, for me, naming the physical pain is important. I went through the first 2.5 years of college (and all my education before that) jamming myself into spaces to small. I blamed myself, and didn’t think for a second that perhaps it was the chair that was built wrong–not my body.
Because since when is a desk chair the decider of what a “normal” body is, a “normal” student. Fuck desk chairs that aren’t designed to fit all our bodies. Fuck classroom materials that are being used to painfully mold fat bodies into thin bodies, disabled bodies into able-bodies.
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In a recent article former Biggest Loser contestant Kai Hubbard spoke out about the unhealthy conditions that the show was created under. Some of her most intense memories include:
By the time she’d reached the competition’s end, her hair was falling out and her family had pushed her to see a therapist to regain a healthier attitude about food. She’d been through months of dehydration for optimum loss before the show’s trademark weigh-in sessions, eating less than 1,000 calories each day while working out an average of five to eight hours daily — dropping to 144 pounds from a starting weight of 262.
I shouldn’t say that I saw this coming, but, I did. This show is so unhealthy and damaging. It’s not just damaging to the contestants on the show who are obviously pushing their bodies to unrealistic and unsafe limits for weight loss, it is also damaging for the millions of viewers who tune in each week. Fat people trying to lose weight might look to this show as a place to learn ways of engaging with food and exercise to lose weight. Instead they are taught that they are fat because they hate themselves and that food is the enemy. Any time the contestants are not able to complete a workout they are chastised for being failures and told that giving up now means giving up on THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. I’m just saying, it’s a little much. Watching fat people mountain bike up a 45 degree incline while being told that they are fat because they don’t love themselves, it borders on abusive.
I still must admit I have seen the show a few times, in part to be horrified, in part because I can’t look away. The mot recent finale challenge included the final 4 contestants running a marathon. A MARATHON. People train for this type of thing for years, they were given 3 months.
I think the way the Biggest Loser pushes its contestants is dangerous because it’s viewers may internalize the anti-fat sentiments and fat self-loathing that the show creates.
Also, about the weigh-ins. I think there is something about the weigh-ins, especially the first one that is about public shaming of fat people. It’s about fat people standing in front of America displaying the physical embodiment that loss of control creates. They are scolded by trainers for letting it get this far and doctors use scare tactics that probably wouldn’t be allowed in enhanced interrogation to make fat people cry. As the weigh-ins progress the contestants are allowed to put shirts on again. It is interesting that when they are at their largest their bodies are expected to be near naked, exposed for the world to see. As their bodies shift and things like excess skin become a cosmetic concern, the clothes come back on. Some bodies are allowed to be publicly shamed and others are not.
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New Years Resolutions
- Find a way to live a healthier lifestyle that doesn’t revolve around weight loss and diet restriction.
- Think more about how I am building community and if I can support them and allow them to support me in a better way.
- Be an active and supportive member in campus organizations.
- Continue being a constant learner and working towards liberation of myself and others.
- Figure out my future.
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Back to Blogging
So it’s been a while… a lot has happened since then. I spent an amazing summer at Choice USA, I spent the semester in Mexico, and I’ve learned a lot about myself.
I’m excited to begin again for a lot of reasons. This blog is a good space for me to process my own thoughts and opinions about things including, but not limited to, my life, my body, tv, pop culture, politics, and anything else I can think of.
Some rules that I hope that others can follow about this blog. I’m excited for open and constructive dialogue that comes from a place of love and kindness. I want questions posed, critiques offered, but not hate.
So I’m back!
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Dance Your Ass Off
So some thoughts on the new Oxygen series “Dance Your Ass Off.”
I LOVED it!
I was worried that it was going to be another one of those weight loss shows that just chastises and shames fat people into weight loss. Things like the Biggest Loser that are all about fat people hating themselves and hating their bodies into weight loss.
So far, this show is more about celebrating fat bodies and pushing them to be able to move and dance in ways that they couldn’t previously. I guess there’s something beautiful to me about seeing fat folks dancing fantastically, in small clothes that celebrate where they are at the moment, they’re sexy and comfortable in their own skin.
I also really like that the show has two components, on e the one hand you are judged based on how much weight you lose and then on the other it is based on how well you dance, those two scores are combined to make it a competition show.
Of course I would rather the show just be a dance competition about amazing fat dancers, but I think that the fat-positive side of it outweighs the issues that I see.
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Racism and Humor
Crossposted at: Choice Words
Recently GOP member Rusty DePass made a comment on his Facebook page comparing First Lady Michelle Obama with a gorilla. He wrote in response to a report that a gorilla has escaped from a zoo in Columbia S.C. on Friday:
“I’m sure it’s just one of Michelle’s ancestors – probably harmless.”
When story of this comment hit the press he responded saying:
“I am as sorry as I can be if I offended anyone. The comment was clearly in jest.”
and then went on to say that the comment wasn’t his because Michelle Obama has previously made a comment that humans are descendants from apes.
Especially given the history of racist imagery associated with Black folks and gorillas/apes it was wrong on so many levels. It is also comments like this that maintains the marginalization of POC in the United States, especially in places like politics. By making this sort of comment DePass “others” Michelle Obama in a way that Cindy McCain would not have experienced.
This is not the first time the GOP has made offensive and racist comments about the Obamas, and it isn’t the first time that they hid behind the “it was a joke” justification. It’s time to stop justifying racism by claiming humor. There is nothing about humor that leaves it outside of the boundaries of offense, just because a comment is intended to be funny does not mean that it is received that way. Comments like these show us all that there is a long way to go and that despite the great advances we have seen recently (election of Obama, nomination of Sotomayor) we cannot stop fighting back against racism even if it is wearing the mask of humor.
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Coming Back
So, it was nice to take a quick hiatus from blogging. It let me get recentered and figure out what I was really trying to get out of this blogging thing and why i was doing it. it also let me rethink what i believe is and isn’t appropriate behavior for a consumer of blogs.
this has made me come to a few conclusions… specifically a list of rules for consuming my blog:
- Respect. I will not accept or publish hateful comments. I welcome constructive criticism but personal attacks are not welcome here. This is not that space. I know that blogging makes this an open forum. I hope that a wide variety of people are reading this, but it doesn’t mean that hate, bigotry and cruelty will be accepted as commentary.
- If you don’t like it, don’t read it. I want people to read this but not at the expense of my sanity. Reading cruel comments is not fun for me so I will delete them and I won’t feel bad about it.
- Be open minded and I will be too. I know that I’m not right about everything, I expect to be off base sometimes and to be called out for it. But I hope that as readers of a blog in return you will come into this blog with an open mind and not from a hateful place.
if these seem unreasonable to you, i’m sorry, there are a lot of really great blogs out there that may be better suited for your regular reading!
And another list… why I want to keep writing this blog.
- Because I’m in a process, and this blog gives me a space to do that. I get to talk through (write through) some things that I am thinking about.
- After going through my blog with special attention to the comments section i realized that it was a small portion of the comments that were actually really hurtful and that the vast majority were constructive criticism, good conversation, and positive feedback. The small number of mean and cruel comments are standing out in my mind at an unfair and disproportionate level. i need to remember and recognize all of the positive feedback and affirmation that i have received recently from friends, acquaintances, strangers, and people who prefer to stay anonymous.
- fatphobia. it clearly exists. reading the hateful comments that were posted on my blog that had nothing to do with health risks, nothing to do with statistics, nothing to do with research, they were focused on hating on me specifically relating to my weight. most of them did not in fact take issue with things i had to say but instead attacked me personally which is not a good way to base a constructive dialogue.
- i can’t let mean people get me down. i can’t allows people who suck a lot to make me not do something that i really enjoy doing. if my friends or anyone i care about were in a similar position i would of course encourage them not to give in to people like this.
so moving forward i will take my blog off of private and allow public viewing. i will continue to write, whether or not people like it or not. i will also not include any comments that i deem hateful or cruel, but do encourage constructive criticism.
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until further notice.
until further notice i have let the haters get to me.
most recently this was posted on my blog in the comments section:
Hey Cecilia,
I’m so very sorry that there have been some harsh and threatening things said in response to your blogs. You seem to think of this as a sort of safe space. But I think in reality it really isn’t and that’s hard to take sometimes. I think you are very brave for putting yourself out there like you have, Lord knows I wouldn’t have the courage.
But here’s the deal: You’re fat. No amount of awesome fierceness on your part is going to change that. You are morbidly obese and you must accept that. You’re a wonderful person and there are so many people who love you very much. However the fact remains that your weight is a problem, as is your attitude about it. No people shouldn’t be mean to you, but calling you out on self-delusion isn’t mean, it’s being frank and truthful. You talk about fatphobia and fuck-you lists but please, how can you just say fuck-you to people about your weight? Don’t say “fuck you” to people who don’t want to be forced to put up with, for example, the fact that you smell. You’re probably over 300 pounds and obviously can’t take care of yourself. You can’t reach things that aren’t all that far away, you smell, take take up an uncomfortable amount of space, you’re forced to wear your cloths in such a way that offends the senses, among other things. If you need help picking up a pencil that’s by your foot, it’s no wonder you must not be able to reach all the parts of your body or wash yourself.
The smell thing is a special problem. Don’t get upset at other people because you can’t wash yourself properly. Don’t get upset at other people because you have so much flesh on you that it reeks and smells like it’s rotting. Don’t get upset at people who hold their breath when you stand up because the smell is so bad, or at people who don’t want to dance around you because you smell horrible and when you move you wash the stench around.
Don’t get upset at people because your waist is too big for a belt and therefore your pants are constantly falling down, revealing your behind to the entire world. Don’t get upset at people for calling your breasts big: they are quite large.
Don’t get upset at people who call your eating habits disgusting: they are really quite appalling. I’ve heard that you often suck down whole pizza’s or consume whole cheese calzones. I’m sorry, but to most people the thought of eating “a pound of cheese” and bread is utterly disgusting. You’re upset at the world and yet you eat eat eat eat. It’s pitiful.
Don’t get upset at the size of seats on an airplane or in a classroom: I hope you don’t expect that the world should cater to your problematic morbid obesity. If you can’t keep up that’s your fault not ours.
I’m tired of you denying that there is anything wrong with you, or that it is normal to be as large as you are. You’re right, it’s not okay to be mean, but please, I hope you’re mature enough to realize that the truth is the truth and that it’s time you accepted it. I agree that some of these comments are rude and mean, but please, seriously?
this is just one of many really hurtful things that have been posted to my blog and at this time i don’t really feel comfortable continuing blogging with this type of stuff coming at me. honestly is just hurts too much and i can’t pretend it doesn’t.
i hope something i’ve written has mattered to someone but if nothing else i’ve enjoyed the discussions i’ve had with others about it.
so that’s that
peace.
cecilia
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