fuck you list

17May09

fuck people who believe reverse racism is legitimate
fuck people who are rude to dining services workers and evs
fuck people who question closed groups and their importance
fuck people who feel entitled to ask me how i can be latin@ if my skin is so light
fuck people who feel comfortable asking me how i fuck, who i fuck, and why i fuck just because they don’t understand
fuck people who expect me to be their teacher and tour guide of anti-racism
fuck multiculturalism
fuck marriage and the millions poured into getting it when there are much more important things to be done
fuck people who think they have nothing to learn and no room to grow
fuck people who aren’t self-reflective
fuck prisons and the systems that keep them intact
fuck racist police officers
fuck borders
fuck morgan spurlock for making “supersize me”
fuck news companies for showing obesity as cropped, faceless images of fat bodies
fuck ANYONE who thinks my sex, sexuality, body, is anything other than fucking amazing
fuck racial profiling and those that enable it to occur with their silence
fuck work and classes that teach me nothing
fuck work and classes that don’t respect what i already know
fuck people who think i got to college just cause i’m of color
fuck militarism and imperialism
FUCK capitalism
fuck racist, classist, heterosexist, homophobic, fatphobic, xenophobic, ableist, sexist, and other oppressive systems that make anyone believe that they are not perfect the way they are and that force people to fracture themselves and others to make any sense of the world.

any others people want to add?

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15 Responses to “fuck you list”

  1. 1 Eva

    i am SO confused…why are people asking you about who you fuck..that is very problematic

    fuck colorism
    fuck whiteness, long hair and skinny waists as standards of beauty
    fuck stupid people
    fuck airheads
    fuck white girl bubbly
    fuck people who lack substance
    fuck the judgmental
    fuck master manipulators
    fuck people who think more highly of themselves than they ought
    fuck preventive paradigms and its baseless use in the “War on Terror”…whatever that means?
    fuck all the people who put thousands of Black Muslim men in jail as a result of it
    fuck the use of Islam as a synonym for terrorism
    fuck hiding behind your faith when you are too scared to deal with how you really feel
    fuck everyone who ever told me that i don’t need a man, fuck em especially hard…they don’t know what the hell i need

  2. 2 Anonymous

    Fuck people who dismiss ignorance as something they shouldn’t have to deal with, instead of trying to change things.
    Fuck the system of political correctness that allows people to classify themselves and others as a dismissable group instead of as an understandable individual.
    Fuck people who believe that they are perfect they way they are, instead of constantly revolving and questioning to come out better.
    Fuck the emphasis on language and semantics as the definition of respect and change, as opposed to actual feelings and action.

    • 3 cmarque1

      anonymous- i don’t think anyone would dismiss a group of people as something they shouldn’t have to deal with uniformly. however, i don’t think people should be responsible for single handedly educating all white people, all men, all straight people about our experiences. i think explaining those things can be both painful and open wounds of racism/sexism/heterosexism and marginalized folks shouldn’t be responsible for explaining all that over and over. i think it is the responsibility of those with power to educate themselves and educate eachother.

      and the thing about political correctness… i think political correctness is actually a way to make people who are often marginalized feel less excluded from the world. for example. it is “politically inappropriate” to make race jokes, jokes about women, and using words like fag, dyke, the n-word and other words that can be highly triggering for people. i know for me (referring to the issue about language and semantics) i can’t even begin to have a conversation with someone if they are using oppressive language. the gap cannot even begin to be closed, i can’t even address the deep seated feelings of a person/group if they can’t use language that respects my feelings and experiences.

  3. 4 Anonymous

    I think that you’re only allowing yourself to live in a bubble – not everyone knows the PC buzzwords that make you feel comfortable. In order to create change, the oppressed, along with the oppressors, have to be open to ignorance, discomfort and differences. While I agree that it can’t be the sole responsibility of the oppressed to educate the oppressors, in my experience, I’ve learned that oftentimes the oppressors have no idea of the situation and can’t understand it without a context. Without tying it directly to someone they know as a way of understanding.

    I find political correctness to marginalize me more in most situations – not liberate me. It’s just another label that I don’t think is helpful, accurate or productive, and often makes those I want to educate fold up and ignore the issues. I’m not talking about blatantly hurtful things like using the n-word. I’m talking about anesthetizing real, potent social issues until they are just a dictionary definition.

  4. 5 X

    Why not make a list of ideas and ways to address and change these social ills that you hate so much, instead of just hating them?

    Sure, none of those things are good. And you’re angry. But…so what?

    • 6 cmarque1

      because sometimes it is important to have a time and place to say what isn’t ok with the world. solutions are good, but a different conversation. i wonder why you are so angry about this list? for me it was a cathartic release of a lot of anger. i don’t think that every blog post/every blogger can be responsible for creating mass social change that those before us haven’t been able to.

      sometime a cathartic release is nice. i would encourage others to do it.

  5. 7 elizahecht

    I don’t like the list because I think that it falls into the trap that a lot of well-intentioned people do. You can complain about how the world is, and I respect the catharsis aspect, but what good is pure vitriol without a solution? Or at least thoughts or suggestions for solutions?

    I’m a big believer in making change rather than talking it or simply enumerating things that are wrong.

    • 8 cmarque1

      I believe that part of making change is naming fucked up systems that marginalize people to give validity to their experiences. I know for me it was an incredibly empowering experience to be able to locate myself and my experiences within the context of structural racism/homophobia etc. I also don’t think that blogs are necessarily the place which you should expect to find grand solutions to problems much bigger than just my specific issues. If you are goal oriented there are many organizations out there who need volunteers/interns/work to be done who are making much bigger change than a blogspace. I know I will be working at a reproductive justice organization so that I am able to focus the anger I have towards the afforementioned structures and actually do something.

      I wonder however, how productive it is, and what solutions you could find on a blog? Are you expecting a How to Fix Capitalism 101. I know that sounded glib, but I also think it is such a cop-out to say things like: I’m solution oriented. Of course I’m solution oriented and I think one of the steps to forming solutions is recognizing and naming the ways that we are oppressed and privileged so that we don’t go about our organizing in a fucked up problematic way.

  6. 9 Lauren R.

    I take huge issue with responses to lists like these that claim: “Okay, but what about a solution.” Well, just because I’m ranting in this context it doesn’t mean that I’m not an activist/leader in other contexts who is trying to challenge some of these systems of oppression. I also think that those who respond by asking for a solution would be well served by questioning THEMSELVES, trying to come up with things that THEY can do in order to be part of a “solution.” Okay, so I named a system of oppression that I and many others suffer with daily. Maybe instead of putting extra burden on the person who initially called out that inequity, individuals could challenge themselves to help eradicate that inequity.

  7. 10 kate

    I agree with Lauren. I think it’s all well and good to ask for a solution, and I don’t think that Cecilia or anyone is trying to name the problems without hoping that someday they’ll be solved. But really? You guys are trying to find solutions to:

    people who believe reverse racism is legitimate
    people who feel entitled to ask me how i can be latin@ if my skin is so light
    people who feel comfortable asking me how i fuck, who i fuck, and why i fuck just because they don’t understand
    people who expect me to be their teacher and tour guide of anti-racism
    multiculturalism
    marriage
    people who think they have nothing to learn and no room to grow
    people who aren’t self-reflective
    prisons and the systems that keep them intact
    racist police officers
    borders
    colorism
    whiteness, long hair and skinny waists as standards of beauty
    stupid people

    ETC ETC ETC….
    You were hoping for them to follow up a list like that with some solutions???????

    If it was that easy there wouldn’t have to be a list.
    Half of the things on that list are things that Cecilia, Eva, and no one else reading or commenting on this blog have direct control over or even impact on, for example, borders. or racist police officers. or people who don’t think they have room to grow. etc.
    It is not in vain to name the systems of oppression that are at work in our society, to name the things that piss us off, to call out the experiences we encounter day to day as fucked up. And doing so should not require drawing up a concurrent list of solutions that hundreds of thousands of people are trying to find anyway.

    It seems to me that the call for “solutions” is dangerously near to an act of silencing… you may not intend it this way but the way I read these comments is: If you can’t think of something to “fix” the problems you shouldn’t speak. Or, if you aren’t bothering to think of something to “fix” the problems you’re lazy and shouldn’t speak.
    And if silencing and that attitude aren’t on the fuck you list they should be.
    I also think it’s a privilege to be able to call for the people composing these lists to think of a solution. and falls into another trap that is alluring to a lot of well meaning people: expecting people of color, queer people, poor people, etc to be the teachers and fix their own situation.
    which is something else that should be on the fuck you list IMO.
    my 2 cents anyway

  8. 11 kate

    also, this is a blog, not idealist.org. just sayin

  9. 12 cmarque1

    excellent points Lauren R. and kate. kate, I also really appreciate how you bring up that the whole “solutions not problems” can be silencing. it is, and i hadn’t thought to name it as such. and Lauren R., thank you for pointing out how this list does not exist outside of the things that I do in my every day life.

    if any of you have any to add i’d love to hear them!

  10. 13 elizahecht

    i just think that unbridled anger is a negative force in the world. I, too, have many things in my life that I struggle with. But I don’t think that expressing a fuck you list is a positive way to ADDRESS that anger. And if we can’t be idealists in college, when can we?

    So a lot of stuff really sucks. Believe me, I know that. And a lot of shit makes us really angry. But I just feel like feeding that anger with fuck you lists is not productive. Sure, I could make one too. But making myself madder and expressing that anger to the world will only a) alienate those I’d like to educate and b) bring negative energy into my life that I don’t want or need.

    You make the assumption that I am operating from a place where I have never dealt with the really hard shit. I have. And I’m just suggesting that there are more effective and useful ways to deal with our energy. That’s all.

    • 14 cmarque1

      perhaps the issue that we’re running into here is the goal of a list like this. you say that it perhaps alienates people that “i want to educate.” while i can see how having a blog might make it seem like my goal is to “educate” others, actually i find this more of a space of catharsis where i can (granted it is publicly) vent, be angry, be frustrated. i do not see my role as necessarily educating. i think there is a lot however, to be learned just by looking at a “fuck you list,” for example when i read women of color’s writings in books like This Bridge Called my Back and Colonize This! they do not necessarily offer solutions but empower me to believe that my experiences are valuable and important.

      i also think this back and forth has become increasingly unproductive. i have said it, kate and Lauren R. have both said it in eloquent and I think quite clear ways. if you are looking for a list of solutions then this just isn’t the list for you. i think being “solution oriented” is great and i hope that at some point in your life you solve one or more of the things on that list. i guess what is most frustrating to me about this back and forth is that it seems you are mostly repeating yourself looking for solutions, and i am saying this isn’t that space. if you are able to create a “solutions list” then more power to you and i encourage you to share it as soon as you are able to construct a list that solves racism, sexism, heterosexism, ableism, fatphobia, the prison industrial complex, colorism, and anything else featured on my list.

  11. 15 elizahecht

    That’s not what I’m saying. I just feel like vitriol is not effective, and I respect that you have created this space to vent – perhaps I didn’t understand that. I just think that venting is not the most effective way to create change. I respect your “solutions list”, but I really WASN’T saying “let’s talk solutions, not problems.” I believe, like you do, that understanding the problems in our culture is really, really important, especially if you desire to create change. But I just don’t think that saying “FUCK THIS! IT SUCKS!” is productive. So many things are bad! So many things make us angry! But I think it’s how we deal with them that counts. And I think listing society’s ills is an expression of discontent with the outside instead of a reflection on the inside – the lack of self-reflection that you hate so much.

    I’m not intending to attack or to stir up trouble. I’m just offering an alternate perspective. I’m not saying – “stop complaining, just fix it.” Not at all. But I’m not sure that a public space (that seems to me to be focused on educating people and enlightening) is the space for unbridled anger and straight up hatred. I value insight and discussion way more than just “These things make me mad!”


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